Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
