you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
