Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
