it hurts more in the daytime
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
you never un-have a 4some
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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