the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
