did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
