as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
