there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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