If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
