My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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