You're my little dorito
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
