So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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