Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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