a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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