I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
