Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
