So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
