She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
