I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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