I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I look better un-naked...
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
