i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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