If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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