i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
