Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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