My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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