the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
