Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
