i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
