I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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