i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
