need another drink. this is the easiest way
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
