i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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