I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
My pussy is not your playground.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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