Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
