Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
