If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
