when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
