tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
