God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
