I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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