I will die if light touches me.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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