I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
