I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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