Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
