remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
