Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
