the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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