My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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