come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
