nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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