Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
