Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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