So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
